You probably know by now that I don’t read about myself.

It’s not because I’m above what people think about me. Not gon’ lie. I actually care about that, to some extent. It’s not because I’m thin-skinned. Or because I’m busy writing. There’s no smug, clever, artistic reason.

The main reason lies in the procrastination family: deferral, emails to write, the addictive chain of The Office, buying conditioner, hijacked reward mechanism, wanting to enjoy the article with trail mix.

My agent, Denise, however, is really good at keeping up. Usually she’ll just tell me what’s going on. Sometimes she sends me Google alerts.

She even sends me the ones about other Ian Williamses gone awry. Behold.

Google Alerts

Ian Williams Daily update ⋅ February 4, 2019

NEWS

Driver caught with Normanton prostitute – and then it gets even worse for himDerbyshire Live Ian Williams pleaded guilty to both drink-driving and making payment for sexual services when he appeared at Southern Derbyshire Magistrates’ …Flag as irrelevant

Former 49ers believe they could’ve beaten Patriots in Super Bowl XLVINBCSports.comThe Patriots’ run defense was middle of the pack, and former 49ers defensive tackle Ian Williams said he thought San Francisco would have taken …Flag as irrelevant

Taunton 15:15 2m 2f 40y (Class 4)Grandnationalpro.comIan Williams‘ charge gave notice of better to come when just beaten on his chasing bow at Bangor then duly obliged at Wincanton where he was …Flag as irrelevant

Racing Daily with BetVictor – Feb 4TheGamblingTimes (press release) (blog)Ian Williams‘ 6-y-o didn’t find as much as expected on his chase debut at Bangor but did the job well last time. This is a big day for the Anthony …Flag as irrelevant